not so wrong

So, this guy I have known for awhile, and let him get to know me, like personally, he just gets me. Like we just click in so many ways. I tried to push him away at first cause I was scared to let anyone get too close besides the given 3 people in my life that know everything. Then I tested just not thinking about it, that worked, I relaxed and didn't care cause what's the worst that could happen, I loose him? Well then we are just friends that talked about everything, and so when we took this next step I didn't think about it, I was just like shit I have been post-poning and at some points dissappearing from him, and he still accepts me. I mess up and we laugh it off, he is just a good friend, and we keep evolving.

So tonight when it rained, it poured, litterally lightning and hammers but all I could think about was cooling him down. And that at this point I don't want to loose him, but I don't want to get too too attached. Look at my predicament

I'm Enchanting.

I've tried to figure it out. Tried to put a finger on why people are drawn to me. I can't so as to save the soul of me. I just go somewhere and BAM, another persons life story. A lot of people divulge themselves to me, I can't say its a bad thing, for I love hearing a new tale. I love to hear life stories that are fun, quirky, sad, momentus, epic, or even just mundane. Quite frequently someone departs there knowledge on me shares there views and emparts wisdom. And I take each sentence with enthusiausm. And I dare say I am left richer for the experience.

Yet still dare it be me to wonder why total strangers approach, or even just long time friends,

If I had a quarter for everytime I heard the sentence ' I don't know why I'm telling you this?,' or my fave, 'I've never told this to anyone but,' I WOULD BE A MILLIONAIR......so As long as people are Drawn to me I'm Enchanting, though I don't know why....

fire and smoke

Breathing fire and exhaling smoke, its starts out small every couple of months I pick it up. I remember the smell. Reminisant for me. Heading back to my childhood, where my mind smells home. Smoke, old leather, and sawdust. Along with old pick-up truck and apple ochards all childhood smells. I was told smell is the strongest key to remembering. I may lose grip here but I bring myself back with a smell. I grew up with cats too, they have a smell....my dog when I first got him, smelt lovely. All smells, I use them to pull me back , so while I stand here and inhale I am now grounded. I remember who I am what I've been through and how I got here. To this moment, picking it up. A habit I mean, of course, I'm told it kills and all I can think is so does every second, humans are created to die, not that I want to but just to prove I won't tomorrow. Me and the camel were cool. Like that commercial from the 50's (JOE COOL). I stood there in the field with my dog and started a pebble rolling. I lit up, took a drag, and held (for a good measure) and now all I can say is that I did it not to be cool, oh no, noone will know, but moreso to ground me. I need a 'me-indulgence' , and so I figure what the hell. I won't be a chain but I could be a packer, every 2-3 days. Save the smell and all I wash thoroughly to diffuse it but I kind of want a bit of it to linger, its keeps my bearings.
I'm a smoker. Not hard core, but 2 packs a week will suffice.

blue starsg

you, you with your ice blue eyes, i awake to your ice cold stare. a deep long in your eyes. the color even snow white could match.holding your head high, teeth glimmering. even you can see my soul, you look past my failures, nay, not to glimpse them, you snuggle with me freely. you fake left start right and i tackle you. if only there were something to tell me youre not perfect, cause hell i know you are, for me at least. you drive me to work, you make me try, you look at me with encouragement and hope, you make me smile, a shit ass grin if i do say so. i wake to you cooing a sweet hum. and all i can say is you are my best friend. i love you. once you read that just think its about my baby boy my glacier my pup my sibe. i love him so much. i cant articulate. hee is the most non judgemental loving creature i have ever known. any dog owner would agree.