DEAR GRANDMA

Hey, I miss you. I wished for you on your birthday. I'm writing to you for clarity. I wish you were here. I need someone to talk to...

Grams, I need advice. I love T T.

But I found the most amazing man. He is a dork. He is a good man. And I can love him. I knew that from the moment I met him. Hell I acted it. When Brit drew on his face with eyeliner, I naturally nuturingly wiped it off, he let me.

He makes me think he is weird sometimes, I'm being honest. But I look past it. Everyones got there faults. He is now my boyfriend. He is sweet, caring, responsive, loving, and has ASSets lol he fills out his pants lol I wish you were here in front of me so I could talk to you about him.

There is one problem. I have faults too. And I could see him falling in love with me, and I had a thought after seeing T tonight. That while I love R I stupidly love T. Fuck.

I am going to push that aside cause while I want T its stupid, cause I want R to, but in a loving soft way.

Like I feel he is one of those good guys I stayed away from as to not hurt them. Cause I didn't think I deserved someone to treat me good. I love R. I've only known him for almost 1 month, my time flys. I want to tell him I love him at times.

So I wanted to know, my inner conflict is to bail and save him from too much pain for hopes that T will catch me. I can see Robert now and be content. And loving, and loved. And I know my Choice. As I type you. I know I'm going to choose R and hope I can be worthy of him. But still I think stupidly T is my soulmate. I'm a moron, you know what R would say, "No, your not." Smile.

I love him. I want to tell him. Why do I fall so fast. Damn sleeves. R I love you. Easy as that. Gosh. I am so confuddled.

So here is my life with R, boyfriend, girlfriend. Tenderly loving, pleased, pleasing, carressing, intimate mentally, caring, devoted, loyal, compassion, sincere heart. Husband, wife. Well lived life ful-filled.

Life with T, somehow Epic. I don't know. Mystery.
Stuper, psuedo-love. Tempting, its mystery.
Goddamn.

Robert, I made a promise to you when I said we were BF/GF. I said exclusive. Noone else. And you said fine you have held true. I have too physically, but till now not my mind. I'm sorry. My mind is yours truly, we will run our course. For good. You. Me. You & Me. I love you Robert, you Dork. Shit,

thoughts ablaze, I need your warmth on my skin, need your breath on my neck, need your hand in mine, I'm so cold, and you're always so warm. I need you to come here, and ask me what I'm thinking; You.

So dear Grandma, thank you for reading. And your suddle trinkleings of wisdom. Words can't explain.

Grandma, I love you. I miss you.

Maybe someday we will be strong enough for me to show you this R.

people deserved

See, outside of home people see, and accept my flaws, they are imperfections that reflect my soul.

So when I see others imperfections and faulters, I look past them. They deserve an undying chance to prove themselves wrong and do something right, to the way they have to live and survive.

Pobody's Nerfect! And so Nobody's Perfect!

(saw that on a sign of a church, ironic huh for some1 who doesn't believe church is right)

So I say to all those who don't think they are worth a damn, I did at one point, you are no matter what people say.

See I have huge flaws and yet as long as I 'doll up, and smoothed out, while highly guarded' the world will only skim the surface...

loves intamacy

I'm so sad! I love Rv, stupidly though he only uses me for sex. I fret he may have given me something, but I also have my period so I'm uncertain. He says he hasn't been with anyone since me. And I am honestly believing him, though he keeps asking me if I've been with anyone, maybe he just knows me.

I have three other guys I'm interested in.

G, my hopeful future. All we do is hangout like friends, he pays I pay even though he doesn't want me to and then I pay again...lol

R, my navy man, harry potter if you will an epic nerd. He is who I make dinner for and cuddle and spend my nights relaxing with. We haven't given title to us. He is so sweet, has constant bad breath, and is always there.

Then there is T <3 my what if. He, when I see him my heart soars does flips and scales mountains while skipping its beats. And I don't know why. He is the only guy that happens around, and we were unrequited loves at one point but now we are just friends. So I'm not sure even where my life is going now....I'm so confuddled and I told him and yet he said he doesn't deserve that. That he is no one special. Dare I know that if I can be such a faultered person and people still accept me miraculously why can't I him?

I want T, I moronically love Rv, I see a future with G, and R is just here. What do I do?