DEAR GRANDMA

Hey, I miss you. I wished for you on your birthday. I'm writing to you for clarity. I wish you were here. I need someone to talk to...

Grams, I need advice. I love T T.

But I found the most amazing man. He is a dork. He is a good man. And I can love him. I knew that from the moment I met him. Hell I acted it. When Brit drew on his face with eyeliner, I naturally nuturingly wiped it off, he let me.

He makes me think he is weird sometimes, I'm being honest. But I look past it. Everyones got there faults. He is now my boyfriend. He is sweet, caring, responsive, loving, and has ASSets lol he fills out his pants lol I wish you were here in front of me so I could talk to you about him.

There is one problem. I have faults too. And I could see him falling in love with me, and I had a thought after seeing T tonight. That while I love R I stupidly love T. Fuck.

I am going to push that aside cause while I want T its stupid, cause I want R to, but in a loving soft way.

Like I feel he is one of those good guys I stayed away from as to not hurt them. Cause I didn't think I deserved someone to treat me good. I love R. I've only known him for almost 1 month, my time flys. I want to tell him I love him at times.

So I wanted to know, my inner conflict is to bail and save him from too much pain for hopes that T will catch me. I can see Robert now and be content. And loving, and loved. And I know my Choice. As I type you. I know I'm going to choose R and hope I can be worthy of him. But still I think stupidly T is my soulmate. I'm a moron, you know what R would say, "No, your not." Smile.

I love him. I want to tell him. Why do I fall so fast. Damn sleeves. R I love you. Easy as that. Gosh. I am so confuddled.

So here is my life with R, boyfriend, girlfriend. Tenderly loving, pleased, pleasing, carressing, intimate mentally, caring, devoted, loyal, compassion, sincere heart. Husband, wife. Well lived life ful-filled.

Life with T, somehow Epic. I don't know. Mystery.
Stuper, psuedo-love. Tempting, its mystery.
Goddamn.

Robert, I made a promise to you when I said we were BF/GF. I said exclusive. Noone else. And you said fine you have held true. I have too physically, but till now not my mind. I'm sorry. My mind is yours truly, we will run our course. For good. You. Me. You & Me. I love you Robert, you Dork. Shit,

thoughts ablaze, I need your warmth on my skin, need your breath on my neck, need your hand in mine, I'm so cold, and you're always so warm. I need you to come here, and ask me what I'm thinking; You.

So dear Grandma, thank you for reading. And your suddle trinkleings of wisdom. Words can't explain.

Grandma, I love you. I miss you.

Maybe someday we will be strong enough for me to show you this R.