Patients

So Im in Va. My memories come in waves of slow motion, and all I see is him kissing my hand. *sigh* I work with Rev at Dunkin donuts. The thing is, well Rev is my best friend in a douche jerk kinda way, he drives me insane, I hate him...yet as you've readd in this blog I used to love him so great, haha fool. Anyway, he says he is finally over his ex, the one he dated right after me, and that he was in love with, she stepped on his heart apparently. Well, I thought I had convienced myself I was over him, way back when, and in a way I am. I just the other night, he pissed me off so bad, it made me cry, on my ride home. Then I started remembering shit. Lately he has been saying explicit stuff to me in text, like 'I got something for you to suck on' well I wrote back 'Tempting, Hmm I think I'll pass...I could wait to get laid in Ohio if I wanted sex lol u know...Im game for chillin and relaxing'

No response.

text to clarify:
The way I see it is Ive got amazing skillwhy use it when it will make you weak at your knees hehe. I dont knowbout ohio really...but I dont want just sex. I want

next text:
A friend too. Which Im willing to wait forever for. If I found some1 like that would be worth it.
Night Rev (;

next text; (cause he is european and misinterprets)
Just wana say; bet u didnt understand any of what I was sayin...kay later Rev Rev.

REFLECTION on that note:
I told myself that I found great sex with Rob, in ohio, even if thats all I can have. Look why screw up a good deal for something that wouldnt top it cause well after Robert I said the next relationship I have is my final one. Rob slipped through that loophole cause all we agreed on was just sex. though Ive falling in and out of love with him, he will not ever know from my lips, but the next man I date is my final I want to grow old with. and well I dont know Ive got my career to distract me a bit right now so Im not to worried bout it but I am, Rob barely texts me cuz I am making it more than it is but I want him. and yet with Rev bringing up old feelings in me I want to punch him, and hug him. stupid European!

None the less I understand Rob is busy, but I also know that when I left he looked out the door in shadow and watched me go...the night before he wanted me to get his name tattooed on me.
I just want more than I can have from anyone, the self torture is that, I wonder if while Im in VA is this just a test where he is letting me go...but Im crazy so...Its just since last year I lost my ability to separate love from sex. like I cant fuck some1 and enjoy it without that connection. even if its in my head, I need to be patient and see where me and Rob could go, but its not even that, I kinda know where that leads to a bed and sex, but if I hold on to him then it will stop me from grabbing someone else and getting hurt again. Rev, is too deep, I cant mess with him when I have aome kinda feelings for Rob, seeing as up until me Rob had said he wanted a good girl, now he just wants sex...hmmmmm....well I need to be patient and I shouldnt bring Rev into it seeing as if my feelings are this deep and while texting and talking in ohio I told him I loved him (in a friend manner) and he said he missed me and couldnt wait to see me.

then I clariefied as a friend and he said right yeah as a friend.


I know that my text the 1st one last night hurt him. but I didnt mean it to. I just meant Ive got a good deal with Rob if all Rev is offering is sex. but I dont think he is. but I dont know for sure. so Im in a huge pickle. Just sit back and focus on losing weight and memorizing navy stuff.
~TLove outtie