To be privey to my thoughts as they were, are, have been, and will be; a novel concept for any unabashed mind to devour. Repugnant, ludicris, and inane, the mysterys of my mind gremlin disclose. Here lay random thoughts, stories, recollections, and muses I may relinquish inadaquatly on this blog, yet giving me some piece of mind once fallen to keyboard.
So ive just wondered have you had a relationship with someone where you fell in love with them but couldnt date and it was just a sex agreement?
see I met this man while in ohio...and he pursued me so hard..and I had a bf at the time and ignored him...well then i dumped my bf cuz he cheated...and well started up with this guy who is technically married...his wife got cancer, became a she-pimp to pay those bills, and ran off with her mexican lover...while its sounds like a story its true...and sucky...this guy while he was pursueing me all he said was he wanted a good girl and how they were so hard to find....i think ima good girl..in a way...idk tho...anyway, so he was dating this girl after his wife but before me, that he met online and had arranged just bootie calls with her...well my friend and i would joke him about rolling her in flour and shyt cuz she was fat (which is aweful and mean.) but she was pathetic she would take him out and pay for it all and beg for him to hang out with her. I told him he was nasty and called him skank...lolz but like idk how me and him happened it just did...fates would say....now Im wondering why the hell Im continueing,
cuz like he lives in ohio still and i moved back to va...tho it might be becuz i have a slight hope he might really love me...its lame...he said before that he was looking for a good girl...and i went and made this arrangement of just sex with him cuz I wasnt looking to fall in love and then well I thought he was..and then kept asking...but then he backed off....then when I told him I was coming back to VA and leaving ohio...he needed to see me again...then I saw him in his doorway the night i left ohio...just watching me leave (which is weird i know...but we were nieghbors...) and I want to hope he was in love with me...lol cause in our 'sex agreement there was no love 1st one with fellings stops.....' buuuuuttttt he seemed to 1st... and didnt say so...so when i did i didnt and cant say so...sooo now I am F*n stuck.
I also, tried to see if cuz since we arent dating or together...tried to well get back with an ex like yesterday..and sex is a big part of me and well it did not work it felt like a chore...like i was just passing time again like everyone else ive messed with....
and so even men ive dated even the man I thought I was in love with this guy named James last year....didnt make me want him like this like i loved him so much but...
not in the bedroom too like this guy is just maybe like perfect for me in everyway...yet 1. I cant have him. 2. dont know if im blowing it out of proportion...3. its too complicated...he is still leagally married..has 3 kids (2 that live with him and 1 that doesnt) and i shouldnt love him but i do...
he is completely honest with me..I think... idk but anyway as Iwrite this letter to you to ask for advice of which i know is hard to offer on this shit....
um I was wondering if..this plan in my head where when I go back to ohio in march if I see him and we....well for lack of better words...do it....
I was thinking of saying I love you...to him....and then leaving to go to bootcamp...leaving him with that for 2 months....
should I? thats what I was needing advice on......
LETTER TO ALI
ReplyDeleteSo ive just wondered have you had a relationship with someone where you fell in love with them but couldnt date and it was just a sex agreement?
see I met this man while in ohio...and he pursued me so hard..and I had a bf at the time and ignored him...well then i dumped my bf cuz he cheated...and well started up with this guy who is technically married...his wife got cancer, became a she-pimp to pay those bills, and ran off with her mexican lover...while its sounds like a story its true...and sucky...this guy while he was pursueing me all he said was he wanted a good girl and how they were so hard to find....i think ima good girl..in a way...idk tho...anyway, so he was dating this girl after his wife but before me, that he met online and had arranged just bootie calls with her...well my friend and i would joke him about rolling her in flour and shyt cuz she was fat (which is aweful and mean.) but she was pathetic she would take him out and pay for it all and beg for him to hang out with her. I told him he was nasty and called him skank...lolz but like idk how me and him happened it just did...fates would say....now Im wondering why the hell Im continueing,
cuz like he lives in ohio still and i moved back to va...tho it might be becuz i have a slight hope he might really love me...its lame...he said before that he was looking for a good girl...and i went and made this arrangement of just sex with him cuz I wasnt looking to fall in love and then well I thought he was..and then kept asking...but then he backed off....then when I told him I was coming back to VA and leaving ohio...he needed to see me again...then I saw him in his doorway the night i left ohio...just watching me leave (which is weird i know...but we were nieghbors...) and I want to hope he was in love with me...lol cause in our 'sex agreement there was no love 1st one with fellings stops.....' buuuuuttttt he seemed to 1st... and didnt say so...so when i did i didnt and cant say so...sooo now I am F*n stuck.
I also, tried to see if cuz since we arent dating or together...tried to well get back with an ex like yesterday..and sex is a big part of me and well it did not work it felt like a chore...like i was just passing time again like everyone else ive messed with....
and so even men ive dated even the man I thought I was in love with this guy named James last year....didnt make me want him like this like i loved him so much but...
not in the bedroom too like this guy is just maybe like perfect for me in everyway...yet 1. I cant have him. 2. dont know if im blowing it out of proportion...3. its too complicated...he is still leagally married..has 3 kids (2 that live with him and 1 that doesnt) and i shouldnt love him but i do...
he is completely honest with me..I think... idk but anyway as Iwrite this letter to you to ask for advice of which i know is hard to offer on this shit....
um I was wondering if..this plan in my head where when I go back to ohio in march if I see him and we....well for lack of better words...do it....
I was thinking of saying I love you...to him....and then leaving to go to bootcamp...leaving him with that for 2 months....
should I? thats what I was needing advice on......